“At the last hash I did,, there were two girls talking in French.  I know they were talking about me and saying I was an *sshole.  I don’t speak French, but I do speak some Spanish, and I wanted to say “Come estas, *sshole!”   --Tator Tots

A total of 43 hashers arrived at the parking lot of the Hotel Grand, greeted by a misspelled sign saying “no tresspassing, will proscute,” the perfect start for our misadventure.  LVH3 hashers were joined by our JGH3 regulars, Skinfiddle, Rash, and Tinkerbell from BFM, Tour from H5, and Mothercummer from Flour City.  We were all gathered to give Grabbag a fine farewell to Iraq. 

After Grabbag did a chalk-talk explaining JGH markings, Ateapuss introduced our 6 virgins to the circle.  This was followed up by Tour de Puke’s rousing “Father Abraham” to warm up the pack, as Grabbag left on the first leg.  When time was up, the pack took off north through the streets of center city Allentown, and wound its way west.  After briefly getting lost down one of the streets, one of our FRB’s again found trail which led us to the Madison Inn, where Grabbag left a sign that said “on thru.”  Of course being hashers near an adequate supply of beer, many of us made an unscheduled beer stop.  Since I (Ateapuss) wasn’t the first one in, I arrived to Quick n Little handing off mugs of beer to everyone, and then having him take off out the back door.  About half the pack stayed for the beer, while the others took off back on trail.  The DFL’s caught up with the FRB’s at the real beer check at Medina’s.  This was a Puerto Rican bar with interesting decorations on the wall, including porn, and a “wanted for murder” sign.  Enjoying the brew and practicing our Spanish (Dos cervezas por favor), we relaxed and gave Early Withdrawal a good 15 min to get started on the second leg (because it was overheard, he is an old man.)

According to Early Withdrawal, this leg was not even pre-scouted so basically he made sh*t up.  For this reason, the pack got lost on a number of occasions, particularly because of a lack of checks laid on this leg.  Early laid trail through a cemetery and over an iron fence (where he ripped his shorts), wound his way west, along West Park, and up towards Tilghman Street, where Volpe’s was the second stop.  The pack got very spread out here, with FRB’s way ahead, and DFL’s hopelessly lost.  Some of us guided the DFL’s in with whistles while the pack enjoyed beer, water, and Tiger Cheese, along with some air conditioning.  It was also here where we ran into autohasher Tator Tots, who just randomly stumbled on the DFL’s in town yelling “on-on” and whom he followed to Volpe’s. 

Fill My Crack In was FRB on the third leg, which led us around the farmer’s market, down towards Hamilton St. and over to Hary’s, a frequent hash beer check stop.  The pack sat out on the patio ordering pitchers and singing a long and rousing version of “Free beer for all the hashers,” led by Q and L, Tour, and Mothercummer.  We were served by our bartender who appropriately had “On Tour Forever” printed on her *ss.  Early sang a Marine song for Grabbag at Hary’s while we lounged with our beers.  The final leg took us east back to center city, where the pack got lost in some back alley until FRB Q and L found trail and led us up to the 5^th level of a parking garage.  It was here where Grabbag had his hippie van filled with beer and snacks and where we ran the circle.

The circle first called out our hares, Early and Grabbag for Sh*tty trail.  Next up, our 6 virgin’s were greeted with the LVH3 virgin song (with just Charisse taking 45 min. to finish her beer).  This was followed by our visitors in the circle, who downed their beer in 5 seconds.  Our FRB’s did the next down-down’s (Q and L from what I remember), and Beaver Fever and Tour for a couple of false accusations (Beaver for a non-existent hat in the circle, and Tour for identifying a non-existent Type A shirt).  Just John did a down- down for laying a hare arrow on trail.  Beaver and a couple of others did a down-down for technology on trail.  Announcements were made (the analversary next month), and then the naming mismanagement committee brought out 3 newly named hashers.  First up was Just Chris, who has been hashing with LVH3 for a while now.  Honeybee introduced him and told the group he was a black belt in karate, so the group named him “Wack on, wack off”, Karate kid style.  Next up was Silent but Deadly’s wife, Just Wendy, who previously gave suggestions to Q and L about her own name (such as hash grandma and the like).  The group liked the grandma name, but of course needed to make it offensive in some way, and came up with “Grandma Blows His.”  Finally was Just John, who has been hashing since the St. Patty’s Fatty.  Succubus relayed a story about Just John at their pool party and getting the idea that he could think like, or even be a cat to communicate with them better.  So we gave him the name “Big pussy” as he is much larger then the rest of us, and apparently when he’s intoxicated, he thinks he’s a cat.

The on-after proceeded to Grabbag’s house, where we made speeches to send him off, and ate all his food and drank all of his beer.  Some of the rest of the crew later met up with the Lehigh Valley Rugby Club’s late night bar crawl in Bethlehem, where we joined Big Pussy and Birthday Suit. 

On-on to Grabbag in Iraq, and to LVH3’s analversary in September up on South Mountain in Lower Saucon Township.

Ateapuss Complex