“Gay?  Who’s gay?  You’re gay?  Come here, give me a hug” (some drunk guy)

On a day that was, to quote an old friend, hotter than a monkey’s ass, LVH3 gathered behind the hotel traylor for the start of hash # 16, our regular 3^rd Saturday round-up.  25 hashers were in attendance this day, 5 who were of the virgin variety.  We tapped the keg, introduced ourselves, had chalk talk, and then mercifully (old G was shining, or spitting, down upon us) the skies opened up with a hellacious downpour, soaking the eager pack, making the temperatures just about bearable.  As fortunate as the rain may have been for the sweaty pack, it was a real bitch for Begging For It, who pre-layed a good amount of her trail.  Some flour withstood the torrents; at least enough to get us roughly on trail, but all chalk was quickly washed away.  Lucky for BFI, her lengthy first leg was not overly tricky, and the pack stayed easily on-on.  Again, probably should clarify a bit here.  When I say “not overly tricky” what I really mean is that it was a mile of street r*nning with a right turn and a left turn.  In fact, Comes Up Short and I had a Type-A flashback as we r*n side by side up MLK Blvd and on to Yocco Drive, the exact same route we r*n together for the last couple of miles of the R*nnersworld Half M*rathon only a few months earlier.  Just Bob, where were you?

            Anyway, the hare redeemed herself with a very cool beer check spot.  An out of the way park provided ample space for the soaking and steaming pack to jump in the stream and float a bit, as we hit the keg with reckless abandon.  The rain had subsided and full-on green house effect was in play.  One of our new hashers was overheard saying, “Before we leave, I want to get wet just one more time” Is she looking for a quick naming or what?  Thankfully leg number two was a short one, and took us to an out of the way spot near Hamilton Blvd, and more importantly, close to Yoccos Hot Dogs (where, rumor had it, Lee Iacocaa was dishing up the dogs as some kind of charity thing….This rumor was never confirmed, but he is one of Allentown’s native sons).  About a quarter of the pack took advantage of an impromptu hot-dog check, while the rest of us eagerly gulped the ice-cold beer.  Did I mention how god dammed hot it was?  We did find out some pretty interesting stuff on this check, though, including information regarding the unseemly past of Just Matt and the recent hamster malfunction of Just John (both items which would later come in very handy) This extended check ended with a jaunt across “The Hamilton” through cedar beach park, up Broadway, and on-in to a parking lot on 19^th street for another well-needed round of libation.   The skies again tore open as the pack left for the last leg, following instinct and only a tiny remnant of the remaining trail to get us back to Harys.

            A spirited circle welcomed the virgins, chastised BFI for sh*tty trail, punished the FRBs, and forced Dancing Queen to take an oath of loyalty to LVH3.  Accusations flew wildly this day, and were started by Birthday Suit who accused Just Sarah of being a foreigner, then Mangina and Just Melanie who accused Birthday Suit and Just John of littering on trail, and against Mangina and Just Melanie for both whining about the littering and for “Grranimals” (wearing matching clothing, in this case tie dyes, to the hash).  Announcements brought up the Musikmess hash on August 6^th, as well as Nittany Valley’s 900^th that same weekend.  A short hash prayer was conducted and the circle ended.  The thirsty pack killed the keg as the “naming committee” met to discuss some business.  Because of Matt’s shocking revelations earlier in the day, and one new revelation shared by Just Sonia, his wife, he was named “Holy Sh*t”.  Just John, due to his earlier referenced hamster issues, was named “Creepy Crawler”.  Hash-tisims were conducted, and the pack was off to O’Malley’s for après’ of food and more beer.  While some hashers went home, others proceeded on to The Tap for more libation and debauchery.  Some of us made it back to O’Malley’s for a round of shuffleboard before calling it a night.

            In sum, a great hash.  Very cool thunderstorm hashing, some fun beer checks, and a good turnout.  Next Hash is August 6^th and is a special 10:15 start to kick off Musikmess in style.  Limited quantities of shirts have been ordered, so be there and get yours!  On-On…