[recently making the rounds in the Tour du Canada network
..alan]


You Know You're Addicted to Cycling When...

Your surgeon tells you need a heart valve replacement and you ask if
you have a choice between presta and schrader.

A measurement of 44-36-40 doesn't refer to the latest Playboy
centerfold, but that new gear ratio you were considering for your
Cobra.

A Power Bar starts tasting better than a Snickers.

The bra your significant other finds in your glove compartment
belongs to your Trek and not the cute waitress at Denny's.

You wear your heart monitor to bed to make sure you stay within your
target zone during any extracurricular activities.

The funeral director tells you "NO!" you can't ride your Cannondale
in the funeral procession, even if you keep your headlight on.

You experience an unreasonable envy over someone who has bar end
extenders longer than yours.

You're too tired for hanky-panky on a Friday night but pump out a
five-hour century on Saturday.

Your wife tells you the only way she'll let you ride across the
country is over her dead body and you tell her, "If that's the case,
you'll be my first speed bump!"


You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

You have stopped even trying to explain to your spouse why you need
two bikes...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work
out in the divorce settlement.

You buy your crutches instead of renting.

You convert your car's brake and gas pedals to clipless.

You see nothing wrong with discussing the connection between
hydration and urine color.

You find your Shimano touring shoes to be more comfortable and
stylish than your gunboat sneakers.

You refuse to buy a couch because that patch of wallspace is taken
up by the bike.

You have more money invested in your bike clothes than in the rest
of your combined wardrobe.

Biker chick means black spandex, not leather, and a Marinoni, not a
Harley.

"Four cheeseburgers and four large French Fries" is for you.

You see a fit, tanned, Lycra-clad young woman ride by, and the first
thing you check out is her bicycle.

You empathize with the roadkill.

Despite all that winter fat you put on, you'll skim weight by buying
titanium components.

You use wax on your chain, but not on your car.

Your mud guards are made out of milk jugs.

Your first course when you eat out is a large banana split.

When driving, you yell "On Your Left!" on passing another car.

You yell "Hole!" when you see a pothole while driving your car.

Your bike has more miles on its computer then your car's odometer.

You wear your riding gloves when driving your car.

You wear your bike shorts swimming.

You wear Charles River Wheelmen T-shirts all the time, including
under dress shirts.

Your bikes are worth more than your car.

You buy a mini-van and immediately remove the rear seats to allow
your bike(s) to fit.

When you move to a new area the first thing you look for is a bike
shop.

You have more bike jerseys than dress shirts.

You take your bike along when you shop for a car - just to make sure
the bike will fit inside.

You use the Yakima or Thule 'Fit Catalog' to pick your next new car
instead of Consumer Reports.

You start yelling at cars to "hold your line."

You're comfortable bumping elbows with step vans.

You view crashes as an opportunity to upgrade components.

You clean your bike(s) more often then your car.

You're on the Board of Directors for a Bike Club.

You spend weeks during the summer spraying arrows on the sides of
roads.

You and your significant other have and wear identical riding
clothes.

You mount a $600 cap, on a $1,000 pickup truck, so your $3,000 bike
doesn't get wet.

You can't seem to get to work by 8:30 AM, even for important
meetings, but you don't have any problems at all meeting your
buddies at 5:30 AM for a hammer fest.

You can tell your spouse, with a straight face, that it's too hot to
mow the lawn and then bike off for a century.

You regard inter-gender discussion of genital pain as normal.

You know your cadence, but you have no idea what your speed is.

When driving your car you lean over the steering wheel, just like an
aerobar.

Your car sits outside your garage because your garage is full of
bikes and cycling gear.

You tailgate a semi-trailer to get the drafting effect.

You know your Bike Nashbar customer number by heart.

You hear someone had a crash and your first question is "How's the
bike?"

You smile at your evening date, and she politely points out that you
seem to have bugs in your teeth.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who
are addicted to cycling.