Selections from the "Horseman's Dictionary"

• "Bog Spavin - The feeling of panic when riding through marshy area. Also used to refer to horses who throw a fit at having to go through water puddles.
• Colt - What your mare always gives you when you want a filly.
• Contracted foot - The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up - right before a horse steps on your foot.
• Drench - Term used to describe the condition an owner is in after he administers mineral oil to his horse.
• Endurance ride - The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with you in the woods.
• Equitation - The ability to keep a smile on your face and proper posture while your horse tries to crow hop, shy and buck his way around a show ring.
• Feed - Expensive substance utilized in the manufacture of large quantities of manure
• Fences - Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse something to chew on, scratch against and jump over (see inbreeding).
• Flies - The excuse of choice a horse uses so he can kick you, buck you off or knock you over - he cannot be punished.
• Founder - 1.) The discovery of your loose mare-some miles from your farm, usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used like-"Hey, honey, I found'er." 2.) Founder: A condition that happens to most people after Thanksgiving dinner
• Gallop- The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the barn
• Gates - Wooden or metal structures built to amuse horses.
• Grooming - The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and applying it to your own body.
• Grooms - Heavy, stationary objects used at horse shows to hold down lawn chairs and show bills.
• Hay - A green itchy material that collects between layers of clothing, especially in unmentionable places.
• Head Tosser - A blonde-haired woman who wears fashion boots while working in the barn.
• Heaves - The act of unloading a truck full of hay.
• Hobbles - Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after his/her foot has been stepped on by his/her horse.
• Hoof Pick - Useful, curbed metal tool utilized to remove hardened dog doo from the treads of your tennis shoes.
• Inbreeding - The breeding results of broken/inadequate pasture fencing.
• Jumping - The characteristic movement that an equine makes when given a vaccine or has his hooves trimmed.
• Lameness - The condition of most riders after the first few rides each year; can be a chronic condition in weekend riders.
• Lead Rope - A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a handler for a drag.
• Longeing - A training method a horse uses on its owner with the purpose of making the owner spin in circles-rendering the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick and pass out, so the horse can go back to grazing.
• Manure spreader - Horse traders
• Mosquitoes - Radar equipped blood sucking insects that typically reach the size of small birds.
• Mustang - The type of horse your husband would gladly trade your favorite one for...preferably in a red convertible and V-8.
• Parasites - Small children (no flames please) that get in your way when you work in the barn. Many gather in swarms at horse shows.
• Pinto - A colorful (usually green) coat pattern found on a freshly washed and sparkling clean gray horse that was left unattended in his stall for ten minutes.
• Pony - The true size of the stallion that you bred your mare to via transported semen-that was advertised as 15 hands tall.
• Proud Flesh - The external reproductive organs flaunted by a stallion when a horse of any gender is present. Often displayed in halter classes.
• Quarter Cracks - The comments that most Arabian owners make about the people who own Quarter Horses.
• Race - What your heart does when you see the vet bill.
• Rasp - An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess skin from the knuckles.
• Reins - Break-away leather device used to tie horses with.
• Ringworms - Spectators who block your view and gather around the rail sides at horse shows.
• Sacking out - A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below). The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at the time a mare actually goes into labor and foals.
• Saddle - An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give the rider a false sense of security. Comes in many styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
• Saddle Sore - The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the weekend at the horse show.
• Sleeping Sickness - A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for their mares to foal.  Caused by nights of lost sleep, symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a zombie-like waking state. Can last several weeks.
• Splint - An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts of a rider due to the parting of the ways of a horse and his passenger.
• Stall - What your truck does on the way to a horse show, fifty miles from the closest town.
• Tack Room - A room where every item necessary to work with or train your horse has been put, in a place which it cannot be found in less than 30 minutes.
• Twisted Gut - The feeling deep inside that most riders get before their classes at a show.
• Vet Catalog - An illustrated brochure provided to stable owners that features a wide array of products that are currently out of stock or have been dropped from a company's inventory.
• Withers - The reason you'll seldom see a man riding bareback.
• Yearling - The age at which all horses completely forget the things you taught them previously.
• Young stock - A general term used for all equines old enough to bite, kick or run you over, but not yet old enough to dump you on the ground

Jessica Parker
Epona Rising Studios
Custom Model Horses and Equine Art
http://scaequestrian.deviantart.com/
http://community.webshots.com/user/scaequestrian

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