"America's Email"......IT IS GOOD FOR YOUR SPIRIT...YOUR SOUL...YOUR HEALTH...TO
LAUGH AT YOURSELF ONCE IN AWHILE.... ~ WELCOME to the Saturday Janaury 17, 2004
"Field of Dreams Today"...The email that aims to make you laugh....Since it's
the weekend I thought I would run this funny email that one of our family
members sent us....It take a punch at everyone so we can all laugh...Remember it
is all in fun...No emails please....
POLITICAL DEFINITIONS......

DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none. So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the
milk,
and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force
the two cows
to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You
spin an
announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing
expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty
times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at
the top
of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of
vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is
good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some
more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes
over however
many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then
you kill them
and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown
one best,
vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
Some people
can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state
tell you which
is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull.
The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living a lie. It goes away for two
weeks. It comes
back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. You now have two cows. One
makes milk; the other
sues you for discrimination. You lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow
to pay the damages.
You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your
business to beef.
PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. Cruz
Bustamante calls
for higher farm taxes to help "working cows". Hillary Clinton calls for the
nationalization of 1/7
of your farm "for the children". Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to
Mexico. The L.A. Times
quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare
bankruptcy and shut down
all operations. The cow starves to death. The NY Times' analysis shows your
business failure is Bush's
fault.
Have a great Saturday....That's the "Field"...Be Safe...Be Brave..And NEVER Let
Go..."Sic Semper Tyrannis"...Let's Roll!!


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