I NO COME WORK TODAY!!!"
Hung Chow calls into work and says, "Hey Boss, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs
hurt, I no come work."
===================================================
The boss says, "You know something, Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon......... You got nice house."
===================================================
MEDIA: What can you say about Morales saying he will finish your trilogy?
PACQUIAO: We just see the scattered..
MEDIA: What?? What do you mean? Can you translate it in Bisaya?
PACQUIAO: Makita ra nang katag!
===================================================
3 Chinese men were about to be given their US citizenship but they had to change their names into western sounding names.
Their names were BU, CHU and FU.
So Bu became Buck, Chuck became Chuck and Fu got deported...
His name would have been Fu***.
====================================================
Call center blooper.
Agent: It's C as in CAT.
CUST: what?
Agent: C as in CAT. C-A-T... me0w me0w...
(ayuz! very specific na yan ha baka hindi m0 pa magets...)!
Eto pa.
Agent: Was that a "B" as in boy or a "B" as in bravo?
Cust: Uhhmmm... how about "B" as in boy...
(good choice...)
====================================================
Tatay: Asensado na talaga ang anak natin sa US . Ito, nagpadala ng picture, nakasandal sa magarang kotse. Basahin mo nga ang nakasulat sa likod.
Nanay: Inay, nagpapasalamat ako, kasi, kung hindi dahil sa kotse na ito, natumba na ako sa sobrang gutom.
====================================================
Nakatakas si Erap, FVR at GMA sa mga terorista at nagtago sa mga sako sa isang farm...
Terorista1: Anong nakita mo dyan?
Terorista2: Mga sako lang.
Terorista1: Tingnan mo ang laman!
Sinipa ng terorista ang unang sako, "Meow", sabi ni FVR!
Terorista2: Pusa!
Sinipa ang pangalawang sako, "Aw aw!" sabi ni GMA!
Terorista2: Aso!
Sinipa ang ikatlong sako... Walang tunog kaya sinipa uli ito ng sinipa ng terorista.
Dahil sa sakit ng sipa, napasigaw na si Erap. "Patatas!"
====================================================
Q: Mrs, ilan anak niyo?
A: 6 na boys! Lahat pangalan LITO! para sigaw ko 1 name tapos 6 agad ang lalapit!
Q: Pano kung 1 bata lang kailangan?
A: Tawagin ko apelyido nya!
======================================================
Apo: LA, tinuod ba na "First love never dies?"
LOLA: Siyempre, tan-awa na imo LOLO,
palahubog kaayo first love na nako,
hangtod karon, BUHI PA ANG ANIMAL!!!
======================================================
Anak: Mommy, do angels fly?
Mamy: Yes son, they do fly?
Anak: Eh, bakit c yaya, tawag ni Dad, "MY ANGEL", d man sya fly?
Mamy: Son, ngayon din u wil see ur Yaya fly!!!
======================================================
TATAY: wa kay hinungdan nga pagka anak! pakauwaw ka! dunay nakasulti nako didto sa siyudad, nagbaligya diay ka sa imong unod!
ANAK: kay ngano, ug magbaligya ko ug ukog, mahalin?
A large signboard says: "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY."
Nakit-an sa hubog, "So what? Kinsa may nagdali?!!!"
TATAY: Bagsak na pud ka!Pareho unta ka ni Pedro cgeg ka-honor!
JUAN: dili pud sakto nga itandi ko nimo ni Pedro tay.
TATAY: ngano man?
JUAN: Brayt man iyang Tatay!!!
======================================================
James Yap: Kris, ika-limang lalake ba ako sa buhay mo?
Kris Aquino: hindi ha, sa totoo lang.... THHHHHHHirty something na!
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